Burden to Bare
by Laurenreynoldsisnotdead
Summary: Missing scene from 200; JJ tells Will about the baby. Sorry bad at summaries but this is my first JJ-centric fic so please read!


"JJ," I heard Hotch say after I hopped out of the ambulance and watched them carry Matt away. "You need to go and get checked out, too."

I turned to him and nodded.

It wasn't long before I was also in an ambulance and heading for the hospital. Once I got to the ER they rolled me through a bunch of tests, including CAT scans and blood tests and x-rays.

After two or three hours, I was in my own room and listening to a doctor drone on about my test results, but I didn't bother to listen. It didn't matter because I knew two things. I was alive, but my baby wasn't.

Before the doctor left, he told me to get some rest and I intended to do just that. My eye lids fell practically as soon as he stepped into the hall, but I also saw images I never wanted to see again. But I knew they would haunt me for weeks, months and maybe even years.

First, I was back in Afghanistan, feeling the explosion shake the ground. My ears were ringing and my heart thumping along with my brain pounding at the same rhythm against my skull. I was in shock, my adrenaline flowing like a river, but I forced myself up.

Then, I was in the make-shift hospital receiving the news from Matt. My heart sinking deep into my chest, the same thing I wanted to do: to sink into the uncomfortable bed under me. To disappear. To go home. To hold my baby for the first time. But obviously that would never happen now.

And finally, I was with Hastings again, watching that same evil smirk appear on his face. The smirk that was stuck in my head forever.

I forced myself to open my eyes before it got worse. My breathing was not only labored, but sending sharp pains through my chest and my eyes were burning from tears.

"Jayge! JJ! Hey, look at me," someone said. I recognized the voice, and accent, automatically, it was Will. "You're okay." He was sitting next to the bed, but he still towered over me, blocking the bright lights.

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it before moving a stray piece of hair out of my face.

I looked up at him, but it just made the feeling worse, knowing that he had no clue what had happened over my "transfer." He had no clue what he had lost. What we had lost.

"Jayge, what is it?" He asked, noticing my silence.

I sighed. At the time, it seemed like it was best for him not to know. What you don't know won't hurt you, right? He never knew I was pregnant so I didn't have to tell him that we had to say goodbye to our second baby before we even got to say hello. But now was different. I didn't wanna lie anymore. I didn't wanna keep secrets. I had already lied to my team about both my transfer and knowing Matt. I had lied to Will about what I was actually doing at the "State Department" as well.

"Will, th-there's something I need to tell you," I said, my voice shaky and hoarse.

"You know you can tell me anything," he said, but I could tell he was bracing himself for whatever I was about to throw at him, and he should've been.

"Will, when I was in Afaganistan, I-I found out I was pregnant," I choked out.

He looked confused for a moment, but then it sunk in. He was close to tears, but mine were all ready flowing.

"JJ..." He began.

"But there was a...there was an explosion and the baby...oh God, Will," I couldn't breathe and a lump grew in my throat.

Will had tears leaking from his face, but he still came closer to me.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. "It-it's all my fault. I killed our baby. Our baby is gone because of me."

"JJ, don't do that," he said, using all the strength he had left. "None of this is your fault. There was no way you could've controlled any of it."

He sat down next to me on the bed and I buried my face in his neck as his arms wrapped around me.

I just cried, sobs wracking my entire body, but I have to admit it almost felt good to let it all out. I felt like the weight was now lifted off of my shoulders. Will was also crying, but silently as water droplets fell from his eyes and into my matted hair.

"So you're not mad at me?" I finally asked.

"Of course I'm not mad at you," he answered, "but why wouldn't you tell me?"

"I didn't wanna hurt you," I admitted, pulling away just enough to look at him.

"JJ..." He said. I couldn't quite make out his tone so I looked away. "Hey, it's okay," he continued, "but you don't have to protect me. I-I can't imagine how you felt, Jayge, carrying all of that; bottling it inside. JJ, all I'm saying is I wish I could've been there for you."

"Will, I'm fine now, really," I said, but my voice wasn't as confident as I had intended.

"I know," he replied, "I'm just...I'm glad you're okay."

"We could try again you know," I said, smiling for the first time. "I mean I've been afraid that if we did get pregnant I would lose the baby again, but now I-I think I could do it."

He lifted my chin up and pulled me into a small, but perfect kiss.

And before that every time it remember my baby, I was sad, but this time, I was happy.

*1 Day later*

"I'm just so glad I finally got to meet you," I heard Blake say to Emily. "I've heard such amazing things."

"All lies," Emily replies modestly.

I look up at Will and smile.

"No," I say, "No more lies."


End file.
